Recently I’ve read a quote that said: “Tears have been given to us from God as a way to release pressure. Think of a pressure pot. That’s exactly what tears do.”

Having lost my dad some time ago I know a thing or two about tears.

Like, the way they sneak out at the most inappropriate times, even when you thought you had it all under control. Like, how much it physically hurts when you try to hold them in – your eyes get so sore and swollen. Like, how dehydrated you get when you cry too much. Like, how terrifying it is to admit publicly that you’re struggling a little – not so much with work, because one way or the other, you always stay on top; but with emotions.

The beauty of self-employment is freedom.

Freedom to say: “Not today. Today I’m just curling up on the sofa reading a book because, honestly, today that’s all I can take.” But you feel like a fraud. A fraud because you go on Instagram and you see that everyone is going to networking events, posting pictures of their recent shoots, doing lives from the coffee shop they are working from… and there is you: posting latergrams of the only exciting stuff that has happened to you in the last 30 days, because right now, it’s sofa-time and sofa-time is not exciting, or something you want your clients to see.

Making yourself vulnerable on social media isn’t for everyone, especially when you’re prone to easy tears. I value honesty, so I don’t know how to write captions and blog posts that are dry and emotionless. And I live in the belief that the right clients are just like me – they experience highs and lows and don’t expect anyone to have it all together all time. And while I wouldn’t be sitting there moaning to my clients about personal stuff, I will at times say: “I will be taking a day off tomorrow.” and there won’t be a need to explain. My assistant will be there to catch the ball and I will recharge so I can give my best to myself, my clients, my family.

Grieving on your wedding day

When you’ve lost someone you love, there will be days like these. And if your wedding day is approaching, and you are worried about managing your emotions knowing that, on that day out of all days, you’ll be missing the one you love more than ever, give yourself grace.

Being emotional is okay. Taking time off to let your feelings trickle out to then recompose yourself is just fine.

Don’t hold it in.

Don’t pretend.

Just be.

If you’re surrounded only by the people who love you, no one will expect you to hold it together, and no one will resent you for going a little bit quiet. If you think it will actually help, find a moment on your schedule to honour the person you’ve lost. Perhaps knowing that there will be a specific moment dedicated to that person will allow you to stay present and in the moment for the rest of the day.

Pinterest is FULL to the bream of ideas around how to honour the lost loved ones on a wedding day. In the years we have helped our couples set up a corner with frames of the parent and/or siblings that are no longer here. We created photo books where guests could share a memory with that person and browse images of the bride with her complete family; we worked with couples who asked donations to Cancer Research instead of wedding presents, and others who sent a donation to Cancer Research in lieu of favours.

There are no rules to grief and there are no rules to how you manage it. The important thing is that you don’t repress it.

After all grieving is the proof that we loved.

With love, bundles of it,

Elisabetta

CREDIT: Photo by Lifestories Wedding | Venue Masseria Belvedere | Planning and styling Elisabetta White | Flowers Botlea | Hair Massimo Moro | MUA Vania Tommasi