Hello lovely readers. It’s been a think, think, think few days for me. It all started with a silly movie – “The Accidental Husband“… Have you watched it? I won’t bore you with the story (you can read the synopsis on IMDb) but basically it concludes with the bride (Uma Thurman) deciding not to get married to her fiancé at the last-minute to marry another man instead. We have seen it all before in so many movies, but clearly last-minute doubts must be a common issue for many of us… Yes?
The real question is – when should you act on those doubts and when should you ignore them? Some people would tell you that if you have any doubts you should not get married. They believe that you will know when you’ve found the one, and you won’t have any questions about it. But is this realistic?
I’m no the one to tell you if it is or isn’t.
I’m not a psychologist, I’m not a relationship expert either. But one thing I know about today’s society is that it sets unrealistic expectations. More and more people expect perfection and feel no way about leaving the other half at the first hint of doubt. And I struggle to understand how this is acceptable. Our life is not a soap or a Hollywood movie. Leaving our companion on a whim has consequences.
I remember discussing this with a friend before getting married. Suddenly, after 6 years of going out with my now-husband, I wondered whether you could ever get bored in your marriage – like physically bored (i.e. what if I run out of things to say?). But I realised that entertaining ‘what ifs’ is a mind game that we often do to talk ourselves out of scary situations. How many hours have I spent with my boyfriend, eating out, going to the cinema, shopping together and, most of all, talking? So why on earth should I even entertain the thought of getting bored? No reason whatsoever, except FEAR.
Of course, if you already live with your boyfriend, the leap into married life is easier. In very simplistic terms, it is a mere transition phase. But, when you don’t live with you boyfriend, accepting the proposal might be the easiest thing on earth, but actually pronouncing ‘I do’ and then moving in together is a bit more challenging.
So if you are a bride going through a moment of uncertainty, rest assured you are not alone. The key is – are your doubts founded on anything that should raise alarm? Or is this just fear of jumping into ‘taking the relationship to another level’?
As I write about this I feel that I should perhaps cover the topic more often. I know it’s not the typical happy, romantic and fairy tale-ish content you often find on a wedding blog; but I really feel that despite people not talking about it, this is something many of us go through at one point or another in our relationships. So, perhaps, I should encourage debate to help brides understand how reasonable having pre-wedding jitters is.
How do you feel about this? Is discussing this on the blog something that you think can be useful to others? Have you experienced, or are you experiencing a period of self-analysis and uncertainty before your wedding? Do you have any tips or suggestions you could share?
I would love your feedback, please!
Credits: Note to self via Path Of Meaning // Bride running Tab McCausland Photography