Last week Rebecca of Florence Finds, my favourite fashion, home and lifestyle blog, posted her reflections on appreciating the good things in life we have and understanding that some of the things we strive for are pretty much ‘all gravy’. A really thoughtful post that made me think a LOT about my personal life, about work, about the things that matter and those that don’t. In the last 8 months my life has been a continuos flow of highs and lows. I realise, however, that the lows are entirely due to my attitude to things that never used to be ‘problems’ per se. Somehow I’ve managed to make them become as such. So I sat there and thought hard about why and what these lows are and how I’ve managed to counteract them so far.
Here is my reply to Rebecca:
I think the key is in that last sentence. As long as we have good health, enough money to support ourselves, eat and have a roof on our head, everything else is just a non-problem. It all depends on what you focus on.
Facebook doesn’t help either. Sometimes seeing what my best friends are up to and not being able to be there WITH them and FOR them reinforces how far we are and hurts. I beat myself up for it because I cannot let go, and I have to force myself to take a break and try to regain happiness from the things I have, rather than those I don’t. But boy, it’s hard. I guess my hatred for mediocracy is reflected in the way I love others too. It’s all or nothing. If I love someone, I love them 100%. One of these friends once told me that love for your partner cannot be compared to love for your friends or family. This concept felt totally alien to me. The TYPE of love might be different, I replied; but the intensity and meaning in my life is exactly the same. The bottom line is, if one of the people I love leaves my life, for any reason, I would be equally devastated. So I guess this explains why distance from friends is such an issue to me.
I can never fully enjoy a moment because I dwell on how much I wish I could share it with the friends who are far from me. Every time I miss an important event in their life, I feel completely miserable, and not for one or two hours, but for days on end. I realise that this is totally unhealthy and unfair, both on myself and on those who surround me. I have to learn. I cannot let my happiness be entirely dictated by others.
As I write this I wonder if I’m the only person who feels this way, because sometimes these feelings make you feel alone, despite being surrounded by others. How much do your friendships affect your happiness? And if you are an expat or you no longer live near your friends, how do you cope with distance? I’d love to hear from you.
Baci e abbracci,
aw your friends are so lucky to be loved by you! that’s life baby, it’s one big roller coaster and constantly changing. you and i are so lucky to be part of an organisation that allows us to make friends all over the world! talking about how you feel helps a lot, i know how you feel as I have left my friends many many times. i can tell you it does get easier with time. hang in there and don’t stop being such a caring loving friend. But at the same time, enjoy the ride!!! xxxxxxxx
I do understand the longing you have to be with your loved ones because I too have loved ones just in other states (my 2 sisters) but still far enough away that we only see each other once or twice a year. Not sure why but I do not have super close friends where I am so I do miss my sisters terribly. Facebook helps me though to feel closer, to see what they are doing and comment and goof around with them. I am blessed to have my two daughters and 4 grandkids here close by as well as my mom and of course my hubby and I’d be suicidal if they moved away… so maybe you’re right about having your own little family… in time. Like you said, try to dwell more on how great your life is and the great folks you have around you now. Live in the moment and enjoy where you are and when you are there. These are things you cannot change so be grateful for each time you see them. Cheer them on on FB, embrace them in person, keep in touch by e-mail, share pics… whatever. You will always be friends no matter the time or place…