Happy Friday lovelies! It’s finally time to start winding down for the weekend… feeling relaxed already 🙂 It’s been a while since we’ve had a discussion post on the blog, so today it’s the day, thanks to Rebecca Lowe, an enthusiastic jewellery specialist currently working at Samara James jewellery who’s giving you some advice on how to tell your friend that she is not going to be a bridesmaid. Ouch!
I went through something very similar at my wedding. I personally didn’t want any grown up bridesmaids. For us Italians is all about choosing the right witnesses; however I was still facing the flower girls conundrum! When I got married I had quite a large number of young nieces, so making a choice without upsetting anyone would have been impossible. In the end I decided not to have any bridesmaids or flower girls. That way no one would be disappointed. But what are you going to do if you have decided to have some bridesmaids, but you need to limit the number? How are you going to explain to your friend that she won’t be one?
Over to Rebecca:
Planning a wedding is a girl’s dream, but it can also be quite stressful, and it is often made worse by the fact that you might have to break bad news to some of your friends and relatives. A wedding is an expensive event; due to this it’s impossible to invite absolutely everybody you know -realistically, it’s unlikely that you’ll even invite half of the people that you know. However, as the bride one of the hardest decisions that you will have to make is that of the bridesmaids and how you’re going to break the news to those who didn’t make the list.
Choosing the Bridesmaid
Choosing a bridesmaid is difficult, especially when you have so many friends and family members that you are close to and are fit for the position – so how do you go about it?
One of the first things that you must consider when attempting to select your bridesmaid is how close you are to this person. It doesn’t matter that they may be a few years your senior. If you are close to this person and want them to play a large part in your wedding, then go for it and make them a bridesmaid.
Don’t let yourself become influenced by the decisions of others; just because that girl you were friends with in school asked you to be her bridesmaid 3 years ago, doesn’t mean that you should feel obliged to make her yours. When you are planning an event as large as a wedding there shouldn’t be much room for obligations or guilt.
Also, your bridesmaid needs to be able to organise events and take an active responsibility within the wedding; if your bridesmaid doesn’t know how to organise a hen do or dress fittings, she will probably struggle to fulfil her duties as a bridesmaid.
Breaking the News
So you’ve selected your bridesmaids but you still have that one sister or close friend who had their hopes pinned on the position; how are you going to explain to them the decision you have made?
One of the worst mistakes that you can make is to send your friend a text explaining the details – sending them a text is insensitive and is likely to cause an argument as you will not be with them to explain the situation properly or answer any of their questions.
Taking your friend out for lunch to tell them the truth is probably the best way to go about it; explain to them that due to the cost of the wedding you can’t afford to have more bridesmaids. With any luck they will completely understand the situation that you are in and how difficult it was for you to make this decision to begin with – but do expect some hurt feelings, some tears and possibly a little bit of anger at your choice. Remind them of the fact that you are still close to them and that you’d love to have them at your hen do, but be honest about the fact that the role of bridesmaid has already been given to someone else.
Another alternative, although it isn’t exactly traditional, is to simply opt out of having bridesmaids. If you feel that you, your parents or your in-laws can handle the wedding preparations without the aid of bridesmaids, then why shouldn’t you?
Deciding against the idea of electing a bridesmaid can save you a lot of hassle and will prevent you from having to make this incredibly tough decision.
Thank you Rebecca for your advice!
So, this is a really tricky subject.Have you had a to face this conversation with any of your friends? If yes, how did you handle it, and were they understanding? I’d love to hear from you!
PS: Don’t you think those ‘Be my maid?’ boxes are the cutest?!
Credits: Top image Charlotte Jenkins Lewis Photography Via Style Me Pretty // Be my maid via Rinse Repeat Blog